Masochism is Deconstructing a Sarah Palin Sentence

by Brendan Beery

Donald Trump made zero news last night on Sarah Palin’s dog and pony show. He didn’t say all the things he always doesn’t say, and naturally, Palin, with all her journalistic wiles, wasn’t able to dislodge anything juicy.

Buffoon though Trump is, he speaks in mostly complete sentences and says mostly predictable things. This does not mean, however, that the interview didn’t have a circus-act quality to it. It’s just that the freak wasn’t the interviewee.

Of the many things any modern-day Republican has to be embarrassed about, Sarah Palin takes the cake. I have written before about associational choices. We telegraph useful information about ourselves not just through what we ourselves say and do, but also through those symbols or causes we choose to associate ourselves with. palinface_1

If you are publicly associated with Republicanism, then you own Sarah Palin. You are part of a mindless, churning, marauding machine that proves the truth of the cliché, “Garbarge in, garbarge out.” The inputs are ignorance, contempt for learning, caveman-level groupthink, tribalism, and lizard-brain fear mongering. The output is this:

Uh, you’re pretty gracious when it comes to then uh treatin’ the press uh, the way that sometimes they’re not gonna treat us conservatives – speaking of the press – so you get hit with these gotchas like most conservatives do – for instance they asking what’s your favorite Bible verse and I’m listen to that goin’ what, eh, do they ask Hillary that, uh what does it have to do with, um, running for the office of the presiden-see, uh, is it anybody’s business, uh, these personal gotcha questions really tryin’ to get you, us, any, anybody running for office off game, uh, how are you finding that, and, and, eh, ih, findin’ a technique to put them in their place so that the American public isn’t wasting their time and they actually get to hear what’s important via a candidate’s message?

Yes, that was an actual sentence that bled from the mouth of Sarah Palin. Those spots where you think to yourself, that must be a typo – I assure you: those are not typos.  Here is the video; the portion quoted above starts at around the 6:40 mark.

As I wrote yesterday, “Plumbing the depths of Sarah Palin’s stupidity is dangerous – kind of like using a Ouija board to summon a demon. One approaches the task with the faint suspicion that he might get stuck in another dimension.”

But here goes. Some thoughts about Palin’s syntactical daymare:

  • Note the characteristically conservative paranoia. It’s interesting how Republicans have, for decades now, cornered the market on tough-guy machismo. They remind me of my dog Campbell when he was 10 weeks old. He would fart, jump two feet in the air, turn 180 degrees, and start barking, hackles up, at the ball of gas he’d just passed through his own little fanny. These people are constantly locked into “fight or flight.” They wet themselves from dusk til dawn.  It must be exhausting.
  • Gotcha! This is part of the paranoia. Conservatives, to win elections, would prefer that we all scurry around like anoles with their detachable tails yanked off. The terrorists are coming! The MOZZ-lems are coming! The gays are coming! The blacks are coming! The Mexicans are coming! The anchor babies – they’re gonna grow up! As for conservatives themselves, there are even more snakes in the woodpile: lib-tards, lie-berals, the lame-stream media, and, most especially, Gotcha! questions.  To a teabagger, any question is a Gotcha! question. What do you read? What part of Obamacare gets you so upset? In which speech did Barack Obama apologize for America? Name the two houses of Congress. Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha! You rarely hear real progressives complaining about the questions they’re asked; they mostly just address them and move on. That’s the way of a pol who knows a few answers.
  • No, reporters are not likely to press Hillary Clinton about her favorite Bible verse. You know why? Because Hillary Clinton doesn’t say banal tripe like “The Bible is great” or “The Bible is my favorite” or “Nothing beats the Bible.” If you’re going to talk about the Bible like it’s The Wiz, heads will swivel with curiosity. And if you’re going to propose that the Bible become our governing charter, then your reading of it becomes everyone else’s business. But here’s the more interesting point: I’ll bet if a reporter did ask Hillary to recite her favorite Bible verse, she would, unlike your average plastic-Jesus “Christian,” be able to do it.
  • Yes, Sarah really did say “for instance they asking what’s your favorite Bible verse and I’m listen to that goin’ what …”

Probing the modern conservative intellect is like trolling the ocean bottom in a submersible – only this ocean has no bottom.


One thought on “Masochism is Deconstructing a Sarah Palin Sentence

  1. If you want to try something fun, read the quote while simultaneously listening to the audio/video at around 6:40. I did that earlier to make sure I’d accurately transcribed it. I don’t know why, but it made me spit Diet Coke out my nose.


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